What does the term “adulthood” even mean? For many of us it feels less like a stage of life and more like a checklist of successes we’re expected to complete. This is why our future goals, whether it be buying a dream house, having the perfect wedding, or having children, is something that lingers in the back of our minds. Though it isn’t an everyday conversation since it’s “too down the line,” many of us already have images, ideas, and thoughts about our future lives. This is natural, since from the time we are in elementary school, we are asked, “What do you want to be when you are older?,” leading us to work towards a goal that we equate with personal success.
This definition of success can be viewed as the result of how our external environment influences us. From television and social media to friends and family, a traditional sequence of finishing school, leaving home, financial independence, marrying, and eventually having children is normalized; this normalization leads many to want the same in their own lives. In fact, each age is often associated with a certain life event:
- 22: Graduating from university and entering the “real world”
- 25: Securing a “stable” career and moving into your own home
- 30: Marriage, or at least having a stable relationship
- 32: Starting a family
- 35: Buying the “dream house” (yard, fence, maybe a porch if you’re lucky)
While there is nothing wrong with following this timeline and phases, I urge you to consider your “why” for the definition of success you have rather than simply following what the norm is. With this in mind, I encourage you to consider and question your own definition of success since when you decide your major (if attending university), find your interests, and visualize the future life you want for yourself– you are working towards something for a specific reason. For some, the motivation is to make as much money as possible. For others, it’s to ensure their name becomes a well-known and reputable one. And for the very altruistic people, it’s spending their life working in non-profit or community organizations to support disadvantaged communities. Whatever it may be, try to (if you haven’t already) understand your own “why.” Does your motivation stem from coming from a certain type of family? Or do you simply want to lead a luxurious life? Are you compelled by wanting to prove your worth, or motivated by making a positive impact on the world? By discovering this, you will feel more in control of your own life because you gain an understanding of the values and priorities that are the momentum behind your choices. This frees you from the pressure of having to live your life in a certain way or adhere to societal expectations, such as the life stages I mentioned earlier. For seniors especially, as you prepare to leave this building and start your next chapter, this intentionality will turn a grueling schedule or a difficult new job into something you are doing for yourself, rather than just another box you’re forced to check. In your daily life, when you consider what brought you there in the first place, whether it’s homework, sports, or a club meeting, the work feels more worthy and important. Through this, you will form a definition of success based on your own motivations, not the world’s expectations.